aphorisms about Chuck Norris !

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. But he's so cool that he never cries. In general.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing the channel NBC, claiming "Law and Order" - are registered trademarks of the left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris - the suffering.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he sees you. If you do not see Chuck Norris, you may expect to live only a few seconds.
6. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Chuck Norris does not go hunting because the word "hunting" implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
8. Chuck Norris does not wash his clothes, he guts it.
9. Chuck Norris on the 1 / 8 - Cherokee. Origins had nothing to do with it, he ate fucking Indian.
10. On the last page of the Guinness Book fine print indicates that all world records belong to Chuck Norris, and the book simply lists those people who managed most of them come close.
11. Under Chuck Norris' beard is no chin, there is another fist.

OTHERS :
Chuck Norris once broke so much to someone with a leg spread that his leg has exceeded the speed of light, moved back in time and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

"Mysterious circles" - a way of Chuck Norris to explain the world, sometimes corn should lie, stove, quiet!

In fact, Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two tons, breathes fire, could eat a hammer and can withstand a shot from a shotgun at close range.

The Great Wall was built for protection from Chuck Norris, but the idea failed miserably.

If you ask Chuck Norris: "the hour", he always replied: "two seconds". After you ask, "Two seconds to what?", He hits you with his foot with a reversal in the face.

Chuck Norris drives a truck c cream, decorated with human skulls.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil in exchange for something to always look great and have unparalleled abilities in the martial arts. When the exchange was completed, Norris punched the devil with his feet and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, could not stay mad and admitted he should have foreseen this turn of events. Now they play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

There is no theory of evolution - just a list of creatures Chuck Norris spared.

Chuck Norris once ate an hour three dvuhkilogrammovyh steak. And the first 45 minutes he was fucking the waitress.

Chuck Norris - the only person who beat a wall at tennis.

Chuck Norris does not whisk oil. He hits a cow leg roundhouse, and the oil falls out of the cow.

When Chuck Norris sends a tax return, he sends blank forms and attaches to it only a photograph crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes.

The quickest way to a man's heart - it's Chuck Norris' fist.

Sign "Disabled" in the parking lot does not mean that this is a place where people with disabilities can be packed. In fact, he points out that a parking space belongs to Chuck Norris and warns what will happen to someone who thinks of where to park.

Chuck Norris will receive the status of the state in 2009. His state flower will be Magnolia.

At Nagasaki never threw a bomb. This is Chuck Norris jumped out of an airplane, and stamped.

Chuck Norris was the first version of the game "Street Fighter 2, but was removed in beta testing, because when you press a button does kick roundhouse kick. When asked to remove this glitch, Norris said, "It's not a bug!"

The first scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is based on the games in the "bouncer" in which Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a Nazi fighter, took aim at him with his finger and shouting "BA-BOOM!"

Chuck Norris argued with NASA, that will survive, if after the Earth from space without a spacesuit. 19 July 1999 a naked Chuck Norris entered the atmosphere and flew over the 14-th states, warmed up at the same time to a temperature of 3000 degrees. Embarrassed NASA issued a statement saying it was a meteor, and still be Chuck Norris beer.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: "Walk" and "kill."

Someone once told Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks - not the best way to kick. Historians claim that it was the worst mistake in human history.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not democracy, but Chaktatura.

The plot of a film about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on real events. Just Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle and when vykakal her, she was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is not a member of both the stallion. This is a horse term as Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only human being who embodies the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you never know exactly when and where he will give you a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can drink a gallon of milk for 47 seconds.

Instead, that would be born as a normal child, Chuck Norris decided to punch way out of the womb with his fist.

If in Mongolia say the name of Chuck Norris, people will beat you in his honor with his feet spread. After that you will overtake REAL roundhouse kicks in the performance of the chuck.

Time is running out. Is that Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has formulated a new theory of relativity, according to which there are many universes in which Chuck Norris is even more cool asshole than ours. When this same theory was publicly stated by Albert Einstein, Chuck Norris punched his leg with a reversal, and we now know as Einstein Stephen Hawking.

Chuck Norris military unit is not in the game Civilization 4, because one unit is "Chuck Norris" will destroy all the nations together in one move.

Normal living room has 1242 items that Chuck Norris can kill you, including the very room.

Women do not suck at Chuck Norris, they had evacuated.
(Optional) Chuck Norris does not play pocket billiards, he plays in the pocket bowling.

Pluto - this is actually rotating around the sun detachment of British soldiers during the war for the independence of the United States, which Chuck has sent into space a blow in the face with his foot to turn.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he does not recognize the syringes, but asks for a gun and a bucket.

Weapons of mass destruction do not exist. There is only Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once confronted Lance Armstrong in the competition "Who has more eggs?". Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris was the fourth of the Magi, and gave the baby Jesus beard, which he wore until his death. The other three wise men, offended at the idea that Jesus chose to present Chuck, agreed to and erased from anywhere in the Bible the name Chuck. All three soon died of mysterious injuries associated with roundhouse kicks.

Chuck Norris change your skin twice a year.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 on, he does not pay. He just keeps up and the money fall out of the phone itself.

Chuck Norris once ate a cake before his friends had to tell him that sits inside the stripper.

There are no races - there are just people that Norris has beaten to different degrees of blue and black.

Chuck Norris can not paint pictures, because his pens tucked into the blood of his victims. It is sad, but blood is always dark red.

Caused by Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks is the preferred method of capital punishment in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, he does not get wet - water gets chaknorrisovoy.

Scientists have found that the energy released during the Big Bang is roughly equal to a UChNNsR (Punch Chuck Norris kicks Reversal)

The home of Chuck Norris no doors - only the walls, through which it passes.

If Chuck Norris has sex with a man that does not mean that he is gay. It simply means that temporarily run out of women.

Chuck Norris died 10 years ago. Just an old woman with a scythe he is afraid to say so.

In honor of Chuck Norris in all McDonald in Texas serves the biggest sandwiches. Just order the "Big Chuck".
Impact energy of Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is enough to provide electricity to Australia for 44 minutes.

The grass is always greener where we do not, unless Chuck Norris has not visited there. In this case, most likely, the grass there soaked with tears and blood.
When a series of "Hardball Walker" showed in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris - just in case.

When Chuck Norris pees, a jet can easily cook for titanium.

Chuck Norris sued publisher Houghton Mifflin, when it became known that the section of the history textbook about the War of 1812 was deducted from his autobiography.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja - he tear off his skin. Chuck Norris skinned ALL.

Wilt Chamberlain claims that slept with more than 20.000 women in his life. For Chuck Norris is just a "boring Tuesday."

Chuck Norris does not shave - he simply beats himself with his feet in his face. The only thing capable of cut Chuck Norris - is Chuck Norris.

Many men one egg more than the other. Chuck Norris each egg is greater than another.

When you're Chuck Norris, something plus something else for you is always the same. One stroke off with a reversal.

Chuck Norris invented the rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football - in that order.

When God said: Let there be light ", Chuck replied:" Say "please".

One day, experiencing an incredible tower, Chuck Norris walked down the street. Survivors were not.

Chuck Norris invented a time machine and went back in time to prevent the assassination of John F. Kennedy. When Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets of his beard and repelled them. Kennedy's head blown exclusively with amazement.

Chuck Norris does not read books. He looks at them at point blank range, yet receives all the necessary information.

Chuck Norris enjoys the night-light not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

what u think about it ? :DD

Congratulations on discovering the internet. Really, whats the next thing you'll post. Lolcats?

Give me a break.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX7wtNOkuHo :D

Yamakasi, YOU aren't fun indeed. Rule 69: Don't ever blame Chuck Norris, or all around him will blame you.

Seen it all befo'

This whole thread = http://implied.facepalm.de/facepalm_implied.jpg

i like turtles, hey!

Chuck Norris is born by his aunt, because no one dares to get nearby his mother.

chuck norris doesnt do push-ups... he pushes the earth down. :D


p.s jokes /w chuck r old.