Ask Dr. kafds

Originally posted by opa

dear Dr.kafds,
learn me how to seduce a girl.
DAMIT I WANNA HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, I AM SO ALONE.
i mean it seriously, i need advice.
please help me if you can.
btw i am not ugly (i mean it, i know what means ugly)
and i am pretty friendly guy.

The key is always self-confidence. I have a pretty good idiot-radar and I can tell who are the people I don't like at all and so on, and there are alot of, well, stupid guys who basically only spam and cause a bad mojo around the forums - from what I've read from your forum posts so far has given me a pretty positive image of you; a friendly, goofy, funny guy.

Its always very hard to talk to someone you like in a face-to-face conversation, but if you can think of some reasons to not do it, please tell me! If you go out, anywhere, and see or meet some interesting girl you can always start talking to her about anything. It doesn't matter if you're on a bus stop waiting for the bus to come and theres some sexy kitten waiting for a ride too, and you start talking to her - theres nothing wrong with that. If you have more time you can talk more and get to know eachother a bit, and perhaps get her number, you can also always ask if she has a boyfriend because there certainly isn't anything wrong in asking that, its a positive thing and a clear sign of interest and on top of all its very flattering!

You just have to remember that confidence is the key for all kinds of relationships, between your buddies or more serious relationships.

Originally posted by wRath`

tl;wr

For the people who didn't understand that acronyms meaning, it means "too long; won't read". This can be a clear sign of mr. wRath` having some problems with focusing on a certain subject - not being able to focus on something could be a sign of ADD - attention deficit disorder, or perhaps ADHD (or AD/HD) which is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

The signs of attention deficit disorder are clear. If, for example, you're a student you can't focus on the details or can't keep focused while playing with your friends or doing your homework. You should know, that there isn't anything to be ashamed of in this neuropsychological abnormality, about 4-7% of the human population "suffer" from it. There are more clear signs than the ones I just presented you with, and they are such things as not being able to follow instructions or finishing homework etc, when someone is talking to you, you seem like you aren't listening, doesn't want to start an assignment that requires alot of concentration, gets easily disturbed from external irritants, forgets daily tasks and loses school supplies such as pencils or rulers.

There are medications for ADD and AD/HD and you can perform a test at any hospital or a medical clinic.

Originally posted by aftermatch-_-

i have a girl issue too, but i already talked with dr kafds and he helped me through the dark,lonely,sleepless nights and through all the tears i've cried. Ty Kafds you are a true great man, u deserve a noble prize.

Thank you, aftermatch! Its always nice to hear positive feedback from "patients". Remember that you can always ask me for furthermore problems and I'll try my best to advise you to the right way.

Originally posted by Million Stabs

I FARTED

Are you, perhaps, suffering from flatulence? Another common problem that many people have, its something that can have a bad influence on your social life. Or good, if you're a real man along with some real man friends, real men like farts, they're funny.

The bad smell of farts is caused by bacteria that eat the non-digested food in your colon. Especially the "complicated" carbonhydrate molecyles that have 3 or 4 different types of sugar are the ingredients that don't get digested and are left for the bacteria - there are, however, some foods that have less of these complicated carbonhydrate molecyles and they are such foods as meat, fish, grapes, berries, chips, nuts and eggs. Some foods have more of them, and such things are pasties, potatoes, citrus fruits, apples and bread for example - the worst, smelliest gas is produced by carrots, raisins, beans, bananas, onions and milk-products.

Originally posted by NR|spr*

Hello first of all i may be the first here that will say somthing serious but doesn't matter and secound sorry for my bad English i can talk it prity good but can't write it as good as i wished i could. Fist i want to say that i''m f*cking depressed ATM becouse i have problems with my perants ... they just can't stop yell at me for even the smallest thing and i have problems with my friends ... i have allways been un outsaider but he last 1 year changed my mind i am 18 years old and for the past 17 of them i have been and outsider ... i have allways been the person that can be talked with but never can talk to any one ... the lat year was a bit better but still i suck at school ... i can't get concetrated and i have been stilling things from home ... money and things ... but that was 4 years ago and now i don't still becouse then i go cought by my mam and dad ... i have a GF wich ... well what can i say .. the pession is no longer the same ... that it was before and no she gives more care and more time to her dog then to me ... this gets me really nerveous and depressed ... my perents oppinoin of me that i suck and i can't do anything right does the same to me. .. i feel like no one needs me ... and this gets me more depressed ... almost every night i drink ... or get drunk wich ... befor it wasn't me ... but this is what i have become ... if you don't want don''t say anything i just needed to tell this to some one ...

Hey there, NR|spr*, its great that you took the first step and presented something real. I should've separated your message from this post because its really special compared to what the others have posted - it really woke up some feelings in me aswell.

Alot of people have problems with their parents, personally when I talk to my little brother (who is 16) he tells me that he hates the whole family except for his brothers, he hates his mother because she yells at him and never listens to what he has to say, he hates his father very likely due to the fact that our parents were divorced when we were young and my mother grew us in a very twisted way and tried her best to make us hate our dad - apparently she did a good job on that in my little brothers case, he hates his grandmother for being a real slavedriver and not paying for all the work he did in summer (she only paid a part of it), and finally he hates his grandfather for so many reasons, in fact I and my mother, father, my fathers brother and my big brother hate him so much that we almost wish he passed away already.

Anyways, I could talk to my little brother more about his feelings and share them here to you, so that you know others are in this similar situation too. I understand that its depressing, but you need to try and talk with your parents, try talking some sense in to them and tell them your real feelings. It will not be for NOTHING, even if you think they didn't listen to what you said, it did leave something in their heads, something to think about - your parents love you no matter what they said, and you love them; say it to them and hug eachother.

If you've got problems with your friends they might not be as easy to solve as you think. You can compare your relationship with your friends to a human liver - if a surgeon cuts 2/3 (two thirds) or EVEN a bit more off of your liver, it will still grow itself back to its original size within some time. If you've had problems with your friend, within an undefined span of time you can regain all the trust and friendship with them. My big brothers friend Matti (name changed for an unknown reason) sometimes visits him and spends time with him, but recently my brother hasn't been spending that much time with him - for a while Matti tried messaging him and calling him but my brother didn't respond because in his own words he was getting bored of his company. For me it seemed, that he didn't think of him as his friend, but after a short "break" they started talking to eachother again, it started as conversations in MSN Messenger and then they started spending some time with eachother.

You should go to parties and chat with random people to "break the ice" between the people in there and get to know them or try bonding with your friends more, or expand your friend-circle by finding people with the same interests, hobbies or anything like that. As I said before, CONFIDENCE is the key to all kinds of relationships, was it between your girlfriend or friends and buddies, you need to start talking about stuff yourself too!

You mentioned, that you can't get concentrated. You can't concentrate on school because of all the stress caused by your other problems, clearly. Sharing the burden here was a good start, but to make a real change you need to start solving them between the people you have the problems with; talk to your parents and friends and get things sorted out. I'm just behind the screen and trying to inspire you, but you need to move your own ass and start working on that stuff. I realise, that taking the advice of a lunatic online sounds weird, but you should try talking but don't mention me because I don't want any blames on me..! Concentration problems can also be caused by ADD, attention deficit disorder.

Stealing things from home causes mistrust and friction between your parents, its great that you stopped it and if you didn't steal big amounts of money I'm sure your parents have let it go - now its your turn to let it go, its clearly pushing your shoulders down and its something you should try moving on from - personally I still steal small amounts of money, but I pay it back when I have the chance.

I'm sure, that your girlfriend wants the same passion you want, its a simple fact that burning, passionate flames of love tend to fade away when you've been together for a while, but you need to re-spark the situation up by throwing in a little bit of gasoline. Metaphorically ofcourse, you don't want your girlfriend ending up in the burn ward with 95% of her skin melted away, then she'd be disgusting. You have to talk about what you feel to her, thats what relationships are - relationships ARE sharing, you have to suggest some new interesting things to her, such as strap-on dildoes and S/M-stuff. Also get that dog killed and she has nothing to care over you.

Alot of people feel as if no one needed them sometimes, and its a very depressing feeling. If you bond up with your friends more, you will get rid of these feelings eventually, you have to spark things up with your girlfriend, have some activities with your friends and sort things out with your parents and let them make you realise how much they care for you. When all that is done, you wont be depressed over that.

You shouldn't drink. I'm fairly sure that you've heard of all the downsides of alcohol, but have you heard of the positive sides? Ofcourse not, there aren't any - except that its a great social stimulant and a bottle of beer a day is actually good for your health etc. If you got a real drinking problem, you have to talk to your parents and girlfriend about it, and they will support you in this issue - you might have to start going to an AA-club, but its a great thing - there are people in the same situation, or worse, and when you're amongst the people in the same situation you also get support from them.

I hope I could help you in some way.

P.S: Some videos to inspire you and others
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yetHqWODp0 - Life = Risk -motivation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIwvIRxXowQ - Courage Wolf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_lwVK-i6tQ - Courage Wolf 2

Originally posted by mjuuh

Hello, Dr. kafds.

About 3 weeks ago one of my best friends (actually 2) started using drugs (mostly cannabis etc.) After that they stopped skateboarding almost completely (wich we used to do almost everyday at least couple of hours a day.) I have tried to call to them several times and ask to come sk8 with me but the answers are like "I dont have time.." "I am too tired..".

I really don`t know what to do.

Me and my friends use cannabis and hashis sometimes, and one of my friends seems to have a real problem with the usage. You mentioned such quotes as "I don't have time.." or "I am too tired.." - every time you smoke cannabis, you will feel really tired even for a couple of days after using it.

First you need to try telling them that it really bothers you, that they aren't spending time with you, also try making them realise that drugs aren't the answer to anything - they will propably take it as a joke at first, but make them realise that you are completely serious and just say it straight to their face that you are deeply bothered by their drug usage and you want what is best for them. If they wont listen to mjuuh's de_real_life rampage, talk to their parents that you know they are using drugs and try to make them talk to their children - you can make the call anonymously if you want to, but letting your friends know that you "busted them" can be a very good thing, they would finally understand that you actually meant what you said and for a while they might be pissed at you, but soon you would be friends again.

Originally posted by Kunqui

Should I Work?
My girl needs a Ferrari

If you work hard and get the money for a Ferrari, you have to continue working hard for paying to drive it - it uses alot of fuel and thats expensive, also you would have to have an insurance and money to maintain the car. Buying a Ferrari as an unemployed man would be a very, very bad decision, and even if you work it wouldn't serve you in any real way except get you laid a few more times with your girl(friend).

She doesn't NEED the Ferrari, she just wants it. She might hang out with you just to get what she wants and thats just not right, you have to find someone who cares about who YOU are, not what you can AFFORD. You should consider talking about what makes sense and what doesn't and that you can want anything in the world, but you just can't get everything.

Originally posted by Million Stabs

kafds may i ask you why at "Location" just below the avatar instead "Finland" there is "Funland" ???

Because Finland translates directly to:
fin = перка
land = страна

I intentionally replaced the letter "i" with a "u", because its nice.

Originally posted by p0ku*

3 years ago one girl from my class told me she loves me, i answered "are you kidding?" and from that day she doesnt talk to me and now i love her :[

Well you should talk to her in that situation! Tell her that you were unsure about your sexuality at that point and you were experimenting sexual relationships with men and animals, but after you had had those experiments you felt the most comfortable doin' it with hot bitches like her. Telling those things in any order will always guarantee that she gets interested in you in some way, it might confuse her for a moment which allows you the time to leave the scene and let her think about what you said for a while - she will be disgusted by your sick, twisted, demented sexual experiments and thats when you make your real move; ask her out and she will say yes JUST to try and "have vengeance upon you" for no real reason, and thats when you tell her that it was a small lie to get her interest so that you can talk to her for real, about you liking her etc.

Originally posted by kafds

Originally posted by p0ku*

3 years ago one girl from my class told me she loves me, i answered "are you kidding?" and from that day she doesnt talk to me and now i love her :[

Well you should talk to her in that situation! Tell her that you were unsure about your sexuality at that point and you were experimenting sexual relationships with men and animals, but after you had had those experiments you felt the most comfortable doin' it with hot bitches like her. Telling those things in any order will always guarantee that she gets interested in you in some way, it might confuse her for a moment which allows you the time to leave the scene and let her think about what you said for a while - she will be disgusted by your sick, twisted, demented sexual experiments and thats when you make your real move; ask her out and she will say yes JUST to try and "have vengeance upon you" for no real reason, and thats when you tell her that it was a small lie to get her interest so that you can talk to her for real, about you liking her etc.

O_O...ok i will do it tomorrow

Originally posted by Million Stabs

Because Finland translates directly to:
fin = перка
land = страна

I intentionally replaced the letter "i" with a "u", because its nice.

YOU ARE PSYCHO MAN... I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES
WHEN I SAW TRANSLATED TO MY MOTHER LANGUAGE WITH CIRILYC LETTERS THE EXACT MEANING OF THOSE O.O

shut the fuck up dude.